Deaf, Blind, and Stark Naked

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I’m an author. I know I’m an author because, from age eight to my current age, I’ve written. I’ve imagined. I’ve fallen in love with the people and pictures and scenarios in my own head. I’ve never stopped and I never will. That’s what makes me an author.

I write. I write constantly and never run out of ideas. That’s what makes me an author.

Recently, I published my first book (DEATH VOWS). It has not sold one-hundred copies yet, or even fifty. It has not garnered a single review anywhere. It’s been published for two weeks. Now, of course, I should not tear myself down or berate myself after two weeks–

–but I’m Lynn Evans, an author, and an extremely sensitive person by nature. Authors are normally sensitive about their work, even if they don’t always show it. If an author is not sensitive, if they are not their own worst critic, it usually shows in their work. An author who truly loves to write has no choice but to pour themselves into their project. Every page is littered with bits and pieces of the writer’s heart and soul.

And then they publish it, bare everything they are–for strangers to see and judge.

When that fictionalized diary is met with silence, for however long, it takes its toll on an author. It would be like somebody telling their friend their deepest, darkest secret, while the friend just stares blankly at them, giving nothing away. What does my friend think, after I’ve told them everything? Are they scandalized? Do they think I’m a bad person? Are they admiring me for my strength?

But they say nothing and do nothing, and you are left to chase these vague inclinations around in your head in an unceasing, grueling cycle. Until they speak. Until they say, “Wow! That’s incredible!” or “Um…wow, that’s…yeah.” But either way, no matter what they say, at least you know definitively what they actually think.

The worst part of baring your soul is the silence with which it is inevitably faced. And the best part? Finding like souls that think you’re just neat-o.

I think the reward outweighs the tension.

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Death Vows is Published!

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After a long, grueling journey, I finally decided to self-publish my novel, DEATH VOWS! The story begins in Lancaster, Ohio, where Bridgette Farmer enrolls in a new school and uncovers a grisly fact: Jesse Harstrom’s girlfriend died in her house! When students and teachers begin to collapse and wake up with totally different personalities, all of their lives are in danger. Bridgette and Jesse must solve the mystery before it kills them and their friends.

This book has a lot of different elements. By the time you reach chapter twelve, it flips on its head and keeps you turning pages in a feverish fit. Bridgette’s sarcastic humor keeps things light in the face of insane and dangerous situations, and Jesse is every girl’s dream guy…eventually.

People have said, “This story made me laugh, cry, fumble with excitement, and much, much more! I absolutely love it!” and, “Brilliant story that evokes emotions and stirs the heart.” I want to know what YOU think of it, though, so go here and purchase your very own copy! Ships in 3-5 days!

DVCover2

Money, Dreams, and People

Sometimes, life looks bleak. Low finances, unpredictable employment, and debts inevitably bring even the most stalwart people to their knees. As a twenty-five year old single woman, the above depicted scenario crippled me every year. Winter always drains my bank and, this year, I tried a credit card.

Mistake.

BIG mistake.

On top of that, I almost never keep my job in the winter. Not because I get fired, but because I get annoyed or bored. Yes, those reasons are irresponsible and childish. No, I cannot just stick with the jobs. You see, we spend roughly thirty percent of out lives working, if not more. Why would anyone want to spend such a large portion of their life in misery?

So, moving job to job, it got more difficult than usual this year. I owe lots of people lots of money. Rent got behind quite a bit. Of course, my panic mode exceeded its limit and I spent several nights working and re-working my budget. Then, one night, something wonderful happened.

I stopped caring.

None of those numbers really matter. Worst case scenario, I lose my house and my car. My biggest fear came down to my pets, but I reasoned that a friend could foster them. I calmed down. I found little part time jobs. They pay less than I usually make, but having several means I’m not bored. When I get tired of one, there’s a different one tomorrow.

I am happier now than when I made enough money to cover my bills. Why? Because with my part-time positions, I choose my own hours. In the past, I struggled to find time for my writing. Now, I simply stay up as late as I need, pass out, and wake up whenever to go to work. Yeah, my bills are important and I need to pay them, but my dreams are more important than money. People are more important than money.

I want to value myself and my dreams more than the numbers that appear on my check stubs or my deficient credit card statement.

Dreams: Telling Yourself the Truth

Dreams are full of symbolism for one reason: To keep you from rejecting the thought process your conscious self avoids every day. We’ve been taught to suppress negative thinking, to be perpetual optimists, but every extreme has its consequences.

In this case, the consequence is unconscious stress. As anyone will tell you, bottling up your feelings is not healthy. Denying that you feel negativity is as debilitating as turning to substances to forget your problems.

When someone ignores their negative feelings, they eventually find their outlet in dreams. There are entire websites dedicated to dream symbolism for this express reason.

By interpreting one’s dreams, a person will be able to glimpse the unfiltered truth of their feelings and opinions about a waking situation. I encourage everyone to embark on this journey of self discovery.

Sweet dreams!

Being A Manager

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I haven’t posted in awhile because I’ve been focused on work. I just received a promotion! So far, it’s been great, but it comes with…duh-duh-duh…responsibility.

Responsibility is not my nature by any means. I frequently procrastinate in paying my bills, use my spare time unwisely, and…well, there’s a whole slew of examples.

And now I’m in charge of leading a marketing team. Holy shit. Holy effing shit. I’m writing this because I made a mistake today and it put some things in perspective.

You see, I’m responsible for making sure my team is happy, prepared, and set up for success. I failed in that last part today.

Happy? Yes, because we were slow to get out. My meeting ran over, so they were able to rest up well.

Prepared? Learned to make sure of all that last week. I check that they have everything they need before they go out to work–including an empty bladder.

But I failed today to set them up for success. I was so busy preparing for the meeting, I forgot to thoroughly inspect the area I chose to take them.

It ended up being an apartment complex and renters; our job requires homeowners. Luckily, I printed out another map, which thankfully turned out to be exceptional.

But now I realize how important my position is to the team. If I drop the ball, nobody makes money. It’s awful. It’s stressful.

I love it.

Unconditional Anything

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We hear those words all the time: Unconditional love. But let’s take a look at what it actually means. It’s to love someone without any strings attached. It’s to love them despite what they’ve done, are doing, and will do. It’s to love them despite who they become.

And it’s the most idiotic idea I’ve ever heard.

How can a person love someone who hurts them? Or others? Could you really love someone if you learn that they are or have become a child rapist? No. And if you could, you’re either a saint in the highest degree of the word or just as terrible as the person you love.

Now, let’s look a little deeper into love. It means trust, loyalty, honesty, and compassion. Put “unconditional” in front of either of those first two words and you have a disaster. Unconditional trust would place you in danger of this person if their twisted psyche decided to turn on you. Unconditional loyalty would keep you bound to this person even when they are bashing your skull against the concrete.

Unhealthy. Unconditional anything is unhealthy. And none is less detrimental to a human being than unconditional love.

A Marketer’s Pet Peeves

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You all know I’m a marketer if you’ve even glanced at a few of my entries. I mention it a lot, because it’s a big part of my identity. Marketing, to me, is not exclusive to selling a product; it’s what everyone does every day. We are all trying to acquire something, persuade someone, or draw attention in some form or another.

If you grew up with a sibling, you probably understand one of my biggest pet peeves. As a kid, did you ever go to ask your parents for something, but then your sibling cut in? They probably blurted out the request in a way that you knew the parents would immediately shoot down.

“Mom, can I–?”

“Dad, I want–!”

“I have to have–!”

No.

No.

No.

But you had a great way to ask them. A way that would at least make them consider.

“Mom, I love you…”

“Dad, I cleaned my entire room today…”

“If I do (blank), would you mind if I…?”

But your sibling wanted to do the same thing. They spoke first and totally wrecked your chances.

This annoys marketers just as much as it annoyed you as a child. When I work a show with another marketer and they step on my toes like this, it is brutally frustrating.

Even more frustrating is when someone “steals” a marketer’s prospect. Imagine this: You share a room with your sibling. In order to have leverage with your parents, you clean the entire bedroom by yourself. But when you go to use this leverage, you find that your sibling has claimed to have done all the work and has left to go ride bikes or whatever with his friends as the reward.

Marketers do this, have done this, at shows I’ve worked with them. And it barbs me just as much as it would that child. I’ll be talking with a prospect and, just as I’ve garnered their attention and built interest in the product, here comes my colleague. He/she cuts in and closes them out, acquiring the appointment date and signing their name to my work.

Marketing is about people. Tact, respect, and common courtesy are critical to success in this field–much as it is in life itself–and if you don’t have it, you turn off your prospects and people in general.

For this reason, the colleague/sibling who behaves this way will never be able to generate their own success. They will constantly need to have someone more capable beside them to leach from. This is its own karmic justice, as this type of person pushes people away–one day there will be nobody beside this person from whom to siphon.

Anne Rice: The Witching Hour

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If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, then you’ve likely read my post, “Reading & Writing: Two Wings of the Same Bird.” To highlight the key points, reading is absolutely integral to an author and imparts many benefits. Reading gives you fresh ideas, new words, and better perspectives to write from.

And eleven chapters into my very first Anne Rice novel, I can attest it is the absolute truth. There are so many words I’ve simply forgot about while strictly writing. “Incontrovertible,” “pervasive,” and “indulgent” are a few. And I’ve sorely missed using words like “communicable” and “impropriety.”

And this book has already given me a new idea for foreshadowing. Reading the first novel in the Mayfair Chronicles series has taught me to back up into the story, rather than just merely “write from the end.”

There is such suspense here. I cannot wait to see what I bring back to my word processor after immersing myself in the tomes of Anne Rice.

Sharing With Strangers

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I have stage fright. Well, I did. I don’t know about that anymore. You see, something about marketing changed me. I realized that, going door-to-door or talking to strangers at a show…I’m never going to see them again.

I’m never going to see them again.

That is empowering! These people do not know me and I don’t know them. The chances of us ever crossing paths again is slim to none and, if we ever did meet again, it’s highly unlikely that they would recognize me (or I, them.)

I can be whoever I want and, aside from me giving them good reason, they would never suspect. Most people might feel that they can’t relate to this, especially if they’re shy, but let me put it in better perspective.

Who would you feel more comfortable telling a secret to, your friend or a stranger on the internet? Think about it. For me, the friend knows my other friends and possibly even my family. The anonymous internet person doesn’t know anything about me at all. Even if Mr. Internet does blab, the people who matter to me will likely never hear of it.

Sharing with strangers can be safer and more comfortable than sharing with friends and family, for that reason. And next time I’m on display, performing karaoke or giving some sort of speech or maybe even auditioning for something, I’m going to keep that in mind: I’m never going to see these people again.